"Watch Me!"

“Watch Me!”

“My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play.
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be like him."

“Cats in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin

In 1974, Harry Chapin wrote the above lyrics for a song that became an instant classic and thirty-four years later it still reigns as one of my favorite folk songs.

The song chronicles the relationship of a son and his father from the child’s birth to his adult life. The focus of the song is the father’s inability to find the time to “really” be with his son at key moments in the child’s life.

In the chorus the son will ask "When you coming home, dad?" and the father answers his son’s query by saying; "I don't know when, but we'll get together then. You know we'll have a good time then."

The song is a great reminder to me of the importance of spending not only "quality time" but also "quantity time" with my own boys, Casey and Ryan. Maybe it's because my own father died when I was just seven years old and my desire to be what I thought he would be like. I am sure my father's death really shaped my personal belief that when you have a child you are making a commitment for the next eighteen or more years of your life. I believe from the moment that child arrives parents are committed to making sacrifices for that child. Because of this, I have always placed a major emphasis on being there for my boys.

I know we live in a very fast paced world and as a parent it can sometimes get overwhelming to try to keep up with work, home and our kids' activities. It is at these moments that we need to take a step back and prioritize what is important in our lives. Harry Chapin’s song is a great reminder, to me, of the influence we have in the growth and development of our children.

The important thing to realize about our kids is that, no matter the age, our children always crave our attention. When kids are younger we really don't need to remember that because they definitely remind us of this fact:

“Mom, Dad, Watch!’

“Are you watching?”

“Here I go!”

“Did you see that!?”

As children get older they are not as brash about this need but inside they are still shouting out to you with their whole heart. Our children want us to value what they are doing. They are looking for our approval and our guidance. Understanding this basic need can really help a parent maximize their child’s success and happiness when it comes to the world of athletics and beyond.

Over the years I have had many parents ask me how they can help their child improve or what they can do to get their child excited about getting better at an activity. My answer is not earth shattering. My answer in fact is pretty simple.

The best way for a parent to help their child improve is to show them that they value what their child is doing.

Of course we need to understand that each and every one of us is blessed in somewhat different ways. Some have been given the great gift of a "beautiful" mind. Others have been granted athletic intelligence, while still others are gifted artistically, to name a few.

What I believe is that we can help our children maximize their gifts along with improve the chances of them have great learning experiences, not only extra-curriculars but in all areas of their lives, by being more involved.

Explaining to a child the value of working hard is important but your actions will speak louder than your words. If you want to help your child excel, you need to take time to physically be there for them. Play catch, ride bike along side them as they run, rebound for them, watch games together, attend their events, go watch them practice. . . the list goes on and on.

Just the other night I pulled up my boys' grades from the school's web site. Both Casey and Ryan looked over my shoulder and we talked about the different assignments and tests that they completed and why they did well or why they may have missed some points. At one point my youngest son took out a test that happened to still be in his backpack and we went through the ones that he got wrong. It ended up being like a quiz for me too and in the process I hope I showed him that I care not only that he is doing well in school but that he learns what he needs to learn to succeed.

The moral of the story is that I believe taking time to do those little things helps reinforce the value we place on their lives.

It is way too easy to find excuses not to take the time to do the little things for our kids but the challenge for all parents is to start finding the ONE excuse to become a more involved parent.

"Quality time" is good. . . but a large "quantity of quality" is best.

The time investment you make will pay back major dividends as your child grows. The dividends may not be a state championship but chances are it will lead to your child maximizing their talent and to go along with it a world class relationship with their parents.

Don’t wait to "have a good time then".